A Place To Rest and Forget Yourself
by pandorabox82
Summary: In another time and place, the only thing that Serena really has to worry about is finding time to be with Bernie. But until then, she finds that the woman's hoodie will have to tide her over until she can be in her arms once more.


Serena sighed a little as she adjusted how the files were set on her desk for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. Something inside her felt like she was going to break, and soon, but she forced herself to keep still and calm, talking herself down from the ledge of anxiety. Finally, though, it all got to be too much, and she pushed away from her desk and made her way to the locker room.

Once there, she unlocked Bernie's cubby and smiled to see that her hoodie was hanging there. Reaching out, she touched the soft grey fabric gently, imagining her partner wearing it as she enclosed Serena in her arms. Before she really knew what she was doing, Serena had taken hold of the hoodie and slipped it on, zipping it all the way up. The instant relief she felt was palpable, and she smiled as she stepped out of the locker room and made her way up to the roof.

Their deck chairs were still there, along with the wool blanket, and her smile widened as she settled down into one, covering her legs with the blanket before pulling the fabric of the hoodie tightly to her, bending her head so that she could breathe in the comforting scent of soap, shampoo, and Bernie. Ever since she had returned from her sabbatical, she had found that there was a part of her that wanted to be close to Bernie at all times. Their work schedules made that impossible at times, but there were still little reminders of the woman throughout the day.

Until that day. They'd been scheduled for the same shift, and so she had thought most of their time would be spent on the ward together, doing rounds. Instead, Serena had gone into surgery almost immediately, and by the time she was finished, Bernie had been pulled to the ED on a trauma call. When she'd inquired with Fletch, he'd informed her that it looked like she would be in theatre for hours more, that the surgery was touch and go, but he had no doubt she and Ms Beauchamp would pull it out, in the end.

"Fletch told me I might find you up here, Ms Campbell."

Sitting up, she craned her head back to see Dom had joined her at some point, and she gave him a warm smile as she waved him over. It didn't take long for him to plop down next to her, a pleased smile on his lips.

"Life is certainly good for us."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You have Bernie, you've joined the official gays on the roof club, and I have someone, too."

This was news to her, since the last she knew, Bernie had mentioned that he was with Lofty, but it didn't quite sound like that from his tone. Serena turned onto her side to really look at him, taking in the air of contentment on his features that hadn't been there before she'd left, and her smile widened as she leaned in. "Do tell."

"You know him, quite well, actually. I've officially moved up the chain of command." Serena felt her mouth drop open as she tilted her head to one side. "You have your Major, and I have my CEO."

"And just when did that happen? Bernie told me that you were dating that nurse, Lofty." She pulled Bernie's hoodie closer around her body as she leaned in, watching him intently.

"While you were away, and I was dealing with the emotional fallout from Isaac. His trial started about three weeks after Lofty and I made things official between us, and while he was great, things just sort of stalled in their tracks. Henrik, he stepped in as my mentor at first, supporting me through that whole ordeal. He mentioned that he needed to provide more pastoral care, as a CEO should, and then somewhere along the line it turned into something more. It's not physical, yet, but it's good."

Serena buried her nose in her shoulder, breathing in Bernie's familiar smell before she nodded. "That's the best way to start things. To wake up one morning and realise what you'd assumed to be friendship is actually something more. Something better. And then you leave, because you can't bear the weight of the ghosts around you, and suddenly nothing is right anymore. You're back, but there's a distance between you that you can't quite close, no matter how hard you try. When I told her 'I hope so', I knew I was giving her a way out that I hoped she would never take…"

She broke off suddenly, overcome by grief so quickly that she couldn't stop the tears that flooded her eyes. And it didn't surprise her in the least when Dom touched her shoulder, closing her hand around the ball of the joint before squeezing lightly. "You both are complete numpties, you realise."

Serena nodded through a watery laugh, hugging herself tightly. "I know. I just love her so much, and I didn't want to trap her into something. Because love is sacrifice."

"The Doctor said love was slavery. I happen to agree with him a little, because we do become slaves to the ones we love, often in the best possible way."

Again, she nodded, letting a natural, still, silence fall over them. It was colder on the roof than she had thought it might be, and after a few minutes, she pulled the halves of the hoodie even closer together. "I'm not ready to head back down yet. Would you tell Morven where I'm at, so no one starts to worry?"

"Of course, Serena." His use of her given name felt comfortable and right, and she smiled softly at him as he left her. Once she was alone again, she curled up into as tight a ball as possible as she stared out at the sky, wishing the air was warmer.

Time slowed to a crawl as she contemplated her return to Holby, how everything had changed on her whilst she had been gone. Guy Self was back in power, swanning around the hospital with his right hand woman, Nina Kartik, even though Henrik was still, ostensibly, CEO. Jasmine was gone, any hope of a bright future dashed by a preventable tragedy. And things were still so tender and fragile between her and Bernie. Life really did have a funny sense of humour, she thought mirthlessly.

Closing her eyes, Serena hummed under her breath, a tuneless song that settled her nerves, even as she pulled the hoodie tighter and tighter around her.

"If you wanted me, you should have just waited, Serena. My hoodie is a poor substitute for my arms." Her eyes filled with tears at the soft sound of her lover's voice, and she gave a small shrug as she hunkered down in her chair.

"I thought you were going to be in theatre for so much longer, Bernie. And I just needed to escape from the ward for a while. Things were getting too close."

"Ah." Bernie nodded a little and then sank down onto the other chair, leaning in to peck Serena's cheek before stretching out and staring at the sky.

"But I see that you've managed to find another hoodie to wear."

Bernie nodded as she pulled the strings on the hood tight, tying it in a neat bow before reaching out and grabbing the edge of the blanket and pulling it across her legs, too, sharing her body hear with Serena a little. "Well, since someone rummaged around in my locker, I decided to go through hers and find another one. And wouldn't you know, it actually smells like the woman I love."

"Really? Do I know her?" she teased, unable to help herself.

"You might. She's a tall, leggy, ginger, with cheekbones that could cut glass." Serena let out a fake gasp of indignation, and Bernie began to laugh. The distinctive sound of it was contagious and Serena started to laugh as well. "I am so glad that you know I was teasing you. I wasn't certain if we could still joke like this."

"You've been feeling that, too?"

Bernie nodded, and Serena relaxed a little as she sighed in relief. "I didn't want to say anything, because we're together. I would have been content to deal with the eggshells, as long as I was coming back to your arms every night."

"Oh, Berenice, come here." Serena scooted over to the very edge of the chair and Bernie awkwardly joined her on it, somehow managing to not get her legs tangled in either the blanket or the chair as she settled down and stretched out alongside Serena. "Dom was right, we are such numpties."

"When were you talking to Dom?"

"Just a little while ago." Bernie lifted her chin a little as she draped an arm around Serena's waist. "He told me about his new partner. Which reminds me, I need to tease Henrik about his inability to tell me about his love life."

Bernie rolled her eyes a little as she stroked Serena's back in a familiar, comforting, rhythm. "I think that is exactly why he hasn't told you, darling." She giggled as she shrugged. "And you cannot breathe a word about it, to anyone. If Guy were to find out, well, I don't want that to happen. Things are already fraught enough with Nina skulking about, trying to get dirt on anyone who even has a chance at dethroning the de facto king."

"So that is why I keep seeing her about. I just can't believe that Matteo was married to her for so long. I mean, it's tragic what happened to their son, but she's just a vile, vile, snake!"

Bernie nodded a little as she tightened her arm around Serena's waist, and Serena murmured with satisfaction as she let her eyes close. "I could stay up here, in your arms, all day."

"Well, that would be lovely, but we have to get back to work. Hanssen will send the cavalry for us, and then we won't have this place where we can rest."

"And forget about ourselves and all the drama that happens on the ward. Which was why I came up here in the first place. To escape the ghosts and memories of the past." Bernie nodded before she pressed a soft kiss to Serena's lips, stopping the words that were insisting on spilling out. It was exactly what she needed, and Serena sighed a little against her lover's mouth. As the kiss ended, she pulled away to look into her eyes, a gentle smile on her lips and tears sparkling in her eyes. "I do love you, Bernie."

"I love you, too," Bernie replied as she pushed the blanket off them and bounced to her feet, holding her hand out expectantly to Serena. It only took her a moment to reach up and grab it, allowing Bernie to pull her to her feet, wrapping her arm around her waist as they started for the door, her day suddenly turning around for the better.


End file.
